Thursday, December 12, 2013

life among the redneck idgits.

yeah... yeah... yeah....

I know I live in semi-rural Texas, and the last thing I should be shocked at is redneck idiocy... but I'm one of those Pollyanna people who believe that most people possess basic logic.  And I'm not exactly anti-redneck.  Lets face it folks, I work in a flea market, I used to drive a truck, I was raised on military bases, most of my uncles were either career military or farmers, and I can recite about every country music song recorded before I segued into gothic and punk in the mid 80's.  I got a pretty good dose of redneck in me.  It's not redneck that bothers me... but every once in a while, idgitness catches me off guard. 

So there I was just minding my own business at the flea market, having a good harmless gossip with a fellow vendor... (about how we think the market should be run... let's not call it gossip, we'll call it a brainstorming session, yeah... it was a brainstorming session...) 

At this point, one of the local crazies... (there are several, flea markets tend to attract a few more than I'd consider it's fair share, but what do I know..) but one of the crazies walked into the booth, and began expounding tea party politics. 

The lady vendor I was brainstorming with immediately found something to straighten on the shelves.  Causing me to think, "Leaving me to deal with him.  Thanks sweetheart, I appreciate that..."

I very politely said that I never discuss politics. 

Lady vendor piped in with... "I'd really rather not discuss this..."

And we kept making these noises... less and less politely, as he continued to hold forth on OBAMA. 

Now, here's the thing. 

Lady Vendor and I are on very opposite sides of the political  spectrum.  But we manage to get past it, primarily because we're both salesmen.  (Or salespersons... if we're gonna get politically correct about it...) It does not behoove a salesman (person) to get into conversations about politics.  Yeah... you might make a customer love you, but you've got just as much chance to make them hate you.  Besides... collectable china doesn't really have a political  position, unless it's got the politicians face on it, and quite frankly, unless the politician was assassinated, his face hasn't got that much resale value.  Besides, I've never seen or heard of a political discussion that changed anybodies mind about anything.  There is no combination of bluster, fact, or charm that magically turns a Democrat into a Republican... or vice versa... so the discussions are useless, and a waste of time that would be much better spent examining Fitz & Floyd china. 

Therefore, salespersons tend to be very good at nudging a person into other areas of conversation. 

As stated,  fellow vendor and I tried the polite noises... I then tried the standard "So... what are we looking for today?"  and I even  tried "So... do you do Civil War reenactments?"  Which sounds strange I suppose, but he WAS wearing a grey Confederacy uniform.  I kid you not.  I couldn't make that detail up if I tried. 

But nothing was deflecting this guy.  He was on a roll, and he was plowing through... with the singlemindedness that sets apart the fanatic political believer.  Or the schizophrenic.  The similarity is uncanny. 

Then he said something along the lines of... "we need to impeach him in the old Southern way.... with a rope..." and I felt it boiling up...

Fellow vendor was left speechless... shocked eyes... mouth gaping... but this did not stop crazyman... oh no...

He went right into... "And nobody can tell me he was a natural born American  anyway..." 

and I exploded.  I don't mean I began arguing.  I don't mean I shouted or even yelled... I exploded as only a full throated baritone who took 2 years of voice lessons from an opera singer can.  Add  to that the fact that I learned to curse on army bases, and said education was then supplemented by Sailor, Marine, and Army uncles.  I'm saying I began bellowing in a voice that was once famous in Dallas when I worked in Punk Rock Bars.  We're talking a voice that could be heard across the punk rock bar, in the DJ booth, by a DJ who was wearing his headphones. 

Now, I'm not proud of what came out of my mouth.  But I'm not ashamed of it either.  It is what it is.  I'm not going into the total bellow... but I will admit that it started with

"Eat shit you two-bit-twat-faced-racist-fuck..." and it went on from there... which  demonstrates an ability I learned specifically from my father... taking a whole bunch of little curse words and combining them into one great big one...  

He ran. 

Which kinda amused several people in the market, as several vendors have, over the last few weeks, been cornered by him.

I doubt he's coming back... and if he does, I doubt he'll try it again with me.  Or maybe he will.  Hell I don't know. 

But I will address this one thing... the Birth Certificate thing is complete and total idiocy. 

Obama was born in Hawaii... here's how it works people. 

When the President first became in politics... way back when he was in Chicago... the CIA opened a file on him.  They do this so that they can be aware of any security risks to the public and to the subject of the file.  Chicago is one of the most volatile political situations in the US, and several government agencies keep their eyes on it. 

Since he started as more or less a community activist, the file would not have been extensive.  As he proceeded up the ladder of politics, the file got bigger as more data was added... when he became a Senator, it was thoroughly updated, and when he announced his intent to run for President, it was gone over with a fine tooth comb. 

At pretty much all points though, the most basic information would have been collected, checked and verified.    And the most basic of information, where was he born, has been verified by several government agencies, several times. 

If he was not eligible for the presidency, it would have been taken care of very quietly, out of public view, and none of us would have ever heard of it.  They might have pulled Mr. Obama to one side and had a silent chat, but it's far more likely that they would have had a chat with several key persons in the Democratic party, and nothing public and embarrassing would have ever come to light. 

Nobody would have been hurt, nobody would have been threatened.  It would all be done very gentlemanly, but Mr. Obama would have never gotten through the nomination process. 


So cut the moronic bull shit.


  1. I can't stand that either. I have an actual family member who talks that way about Obama and I have to leave. Good Lord!!! I, for one, am glad you sandblasted him!!! One can only listen to so much bull shit crap! That's just what it is, too! What I can't believe is how so many people actually still talk that way! I had to endure sitting through dinner one night and listen to several people talking just this way! I was in the middle of po-dunk-ville, and for the sake of the person I was with, I sat quietly. The old blow heart who was running his mouth would have still felt the same way even if I reacted there (which was not a good place to react)...but I will tell you, conversations like that are rarely heard here in south Florida, and the place (another state) where I was having dinner, made me realize why I would never live there! General ignorance in those parts! I felt like I had gone back to the 50's.
    I hope that weirdo never returns to your flea!!!

  2. What bothers me most isn't that some people believe Obama isn't an American, but that they think that's justifiable for killing him. That is scary, scary thinking. He really mentioned a rope? Lord help us all.

    Thank you for standing up for goodness! That sounds like one impressive voice you got there, Claude.

  3. Haha, I wish there's a video of that.
    Anyway, saw your comment on Amorphophallus - I have some bulbils of A. bulbifer if you have a warm place for them.FOC of course. Let me know if you are keen.