Thursday, June 03, 2010

midgets vs mascots...

No, the title of my post is not in any way related to a Random Rant.

Nor is it in any way related to a Prickly Plant.

It's related to a movie.

Specifically, it's related to Gary Coleman's last film.

A little backstory here... I used to work in the film industry, in a very very very minor way... I was a movie extra in a lot of movies that you've probably seen, and yeah, I even had a few lines in a few of the movies... although most of what I said on camera more than likely ended up on the cutting room floor.

The high-light of my film career was as a featured F/X extra. This should absolutely make Mr. Subjunctive happy... I was Featured Flesh Eating Zombie in a movie that was called Scary Texas Movie. I don't think the movie was ever released in America... but I hear it did well in Italy... anyway, if you ever saw it, I was the zombie who got shot three times, and when they shot me in the head, green slimey brains splattered all over the wall behind me.

Show biz is so glamourous.

I keep expecting to see a copy of that movie in those $1 movie bins in the bargain stores. If I do, I'll probably buy it, because I've never seen it.

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you all of this, is that after Gary Coleman recently passed away, I got an e-mail through facebook. It seems that Midgets vs. Mascots was Gary Colemans final film project, and it was filmed right here in Dallas. I actually knew a lot of people who worked on the production, so I drug myself to a special showing last night.

I wasn't expecting much.

What I got was actually pretty good, in a drunken college kid kind of way, which isn't really my style but I was impressed.

The movie is a fake documentary/reality show.

The premise is that Big Dick, a little person who started his career as a mascot for a football team and then segueyed into porn, has died, leaving behind his son, Little Dick and his trashy ex-wife as the only heirs. In order to inherit, they must each coach a team, one team made of midgets and one team made of mascots, in a competition. The winner will get 5 million dollars, and each of the five members of the team will get 1 million dollars.

Much hillarity, gratuitous violence, gratuitous nudity, foul language, vomiting, booger eating (which I could have definitely done without) kinky sex, a naked midget shower scene and other drunken college frat boy idiocy commences...

Now, This is not my type of entertainment or humor.

That's why it pains me to say, I actually enjoyed it. It's not that bad. Just don't expect art, and you might like it.

This may well be the best film project that Gary Coleman ever did. Which is, unfortunately, not saying much. Mr Coleman did not have a good career. Casting directors didn't do him any favors and his own personal dramas and troubles eclipsed any work he did. We can all only hope that he can now rest in peace.


  1. Zombies, eh? I think it *does* make me happy.

  2. I was sad to hear of his passing. What an unusual movie!!!

    I definately want to see your movie though!!!

  3. Well, I'm definitely looking in the movie bin !!!I would like to see it...maybe