ugh...

Warning:  The following is me just typing from a page in my handwritten journal.  I figured I'd type it into the computer because it kind of shows my writing process, and how much of it is just talking to myself using an ink pen.  It also, has a few amusing points.  Besides, I needed a blog post, and, I really couldn't think of anything happening worth blogging about because I've been focused on opening the Etsy store for the past few days, and rather than rewrite all of it again, I decided to do this.  It also pretty much shows the process of self-doubt, frustration and plain flat out bad writing that goes into making even a small little blurb for an internet store site.  When people say something to me like, "Oh, I so admire writers, I just can't seem to do anything like that!"  I'm often left with the impression that they think Vladimir Nabakov just sat down in front of a typewriter and great novels somehow magically appeared.  I hate to break it to you folks, but there's some effort involved. 

It also reminds me of one of my art teachers.  Whenever someone said something to Miss Jo along the lines of "Oh, I can't even draw a straight line!" she would give them a long look and say... "No one can really, that's why they make rulers."

Which doesn't really apply... but I always liked that story, so there we are. 

Anyway... on to the journal entry.  With one explanation... most of my writing doesn't involve quite this much drama.  The thing is that I don't really like this sort of thing.  Honestly, when I have to write my resume, you'd be well advised to get out of the house.  Taking a vacation to the next state would be a good idea.  I'm not kidding. 

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Nov-2-13

I'm taking a break from setting up the Etsy store. 

The thing that has me stumped is the Describe Yourself box.  I'm supposed to tell the entire world who I am. 

Well, if I'm excruciatingly honest about it, I guess I could just say "I am an arrogant, opinionated, know it all bastard" and leave it at that... but I don't think that'll work.

I could give a sob story, basically saying that buying from me would be seriously helping out a person who is down on their luck and desperately needs the cash and appealing to their pity... but I've done enough sales to know that 1) guilt trips aren't really a good sales tactic, and 2) when you do that you're defining yourself as basically a failure, you can't really blame the planet for thinking you're basically a failure, so I should probably describe myself as a great success story and basically lie. 

OK... I'm kidding.  What I need is one of those annoying feel-good blurbs. 

How about something along the lines of "I am a flea market dealer who has been dealing in antiques and collectables for the past 10 years.  Recently I have been applying my art school training to constructing small, primitive dolls, and other folk art projects."

Well, that's just bloody boring and just like every other idiots moronic blurb and I don't think it qualifies as a feel good blurb because lets face it - it doesn't make anyone feel good or feel much of anything so that just sucks. 

Dammit, I'm a writer, I can do this  or I call myself a writer.  why can't I just stick to bad fiction.  I can do that. I'm damn good at bad fiction.  I'm shit at this self serving moronic shit. 

OK... you start by putting a bunch of info that might be applicable and throwing it on the page, then you rewrite and edit.  Let's start by adding to that boring blurb up there...

How about...  "I am a flea market dealer who has been dealing in antiques and collectables for the past 10 years.  Recently I have been applying my art school training to constructing small, primitive dolls, and other folk art projects.  My hobbies include Gardening, antiques (DUH) getting drunk with my friends, watching bad horror movies and sleeping---

Shit, seriously Claude... OK,

Hobbies.  Gardening.  wood carving.  sewing, crocheting, making crap from nothing... uh...collecting skulls, damn I'm boring...

OK... the bobs are what snotty art people call mixed media constructions... they're a combo of wood-carving, sewing, whateverthehell you call wrapping fabric around wire... I'm not a doll maker, primarily because I'm not that big on dolls... It's really kind of amazing that I make them to begin with...

FUCK the damn cat just vomited on the damn floor...

Ok...  dealt with--- FOCUS

How about this...

I am a mixed media artist who utilizes woodworking, (wood carving?  Whittling? UHHHH)

with textile arts to produce primitive (Folk Art?) pieces.  (objects?  voodoo dolls?  Whateverthefuck you wanna call them?)  and that doesn't work because I'll be selling other stuff too...

stuff to sell

crap I make
crap I bought to make crap but never did
crap other people make
crap that I found that I thought was cool but don't anymore
crap I think other people will think is cool...
face it, I'm selling crap.

OK.

I am a mixed media artist, currently working in mixed media/folk art constructions, often utilizing found objects.  I am also the owner of Cactus Cowboy Enterprises, which is a business dealing in antiques, collectables, primitives and vintage objects, which I will be listing to spark your creativity, as I believe the creative urge is the most valuable and underutilized human resource available. 

OK... don't know where the creativity thing came from... but that's actually not bad. 

Needs tweeked, but I'm getting closer. 

Somewhere closer at least. 

I need coffee. 

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And that's where the journal entry ends... anyway.., there's my fascinating thought process at work.  Hope I didn't put anybody to sleep at their screens...

And now that I've got that out of my system... does anybody out there know of, or have any experience with, a good Android app for Etsy?  There are several apps out there, and they all have reviews, but I can't make heads nor tails of them.  Most of the apps seem to be searching Etsy, and all of them have a lot of whining reviews for listing and selling on the go.  Thought I'd ask to see if there was any experience...

have a good day...